Chapter Four: Online Taoist Priests Aren't Reliable

Fu Yang was still shaken. It took him a long time to collect himself, and he pinched his own cheek hard—ouch, it hurt like hell! That proved it hadn’t been a dream.

“This is bad! I agreed to that ghost woman’s demands out of fear, but I don’t have nearly enough money to offer her all that. Incense and fruit as offerings are one thing—I could scrape those together if I tightened my belt. But a whole pig, sheep, and chicken every month…”

Right now, he really felt like finding a block of tofu and smashing his head on it.

He got up from the floor, glancing around nervously. He even checked under the bed and inside the washing machine in the bathroom, but there was no sign of the ghost woman.

“Looks like she’s gone for now. But from what she said, starting tomorrow she’ll be living here?” Tears welled up in Fu Yang’s eyes, and his heart ached as if it might shatter.

Suddenly, an idea struck him.

He dashed to his computer like a starving dog pouncing on food, opened a shopping site, and typed in keywords: ghost hunting, Taoist priest, exorcism.

To his surprise, there were actually some relevant results!

“Haha, you really can hire a ghost hunter online. I’m a genius.” Fu Yang, thrilled, picked a Taoist priest who looked impressive, placed an order, and called the number.

“Hello.”

A cold, aloof voice sounded on the other end, deep and reassuring.

Fu Yang felt a surge of hope: this must be the real deal! He quickly described his predicament—a fierce ghost woman had latched onto him, and he was scared to death.

The person on the line replied coolly, “Understood. I’ll come to your place at eight tonight,” and hung up.

Eight o’clock that evening.

Fu Yang stood at the entrance to his apartment complex, craning his neck like a goose waiting to be fed. He paced back and forth, wringing his hands in anxiety. If the exorcist didn’t show up tonight, he was doomed!

He waited and waited, and finally spotted an elderly Taoist priest approaching with an ethereal air.

The priest wore a blue robe, his hair wound into a topknot; in one hand he held a horsetail whisk, in the other a cloth bundle. He looked just like the classic ghost- or vampire-hunting priests from old Hong Kong films. All he was missing was a bold “Awesome” written on his forehead.

Clearly, this was the man.

Fu Yang beamed and hurried over, his enthusiasm overflowing. “Ah, Master Li, I’ve been waiting ages for you.”

“You’re Fu Yang? No need for words. Take me to your home, and I’ll capture the vengeful spirit. I swear I’ll see her soul scattered to the winds!” The priest’s demeanor was cool and collected.

Such an air of a true master!

Fu Yang was filled with respect, his fear receding as calm settled over him.

They returned to Fu Yang’s rented flat and sat down for tea. Master Li asked in detail how the ghost woman had come to haunt him, and what she looked like.

Fu Yang dared not conceal anything, recounting the entire story from beginning to end. What struck him as odd was that when he said the ghost had followed him from West Mountain Cemetery and was a young woman recently deceased, Master Li seemed to breathe a huge sigh of relief.

“Must be my imagination,” Fu Yang thought.

Master Li began his ritual.

He placed three yellow talismans, painted with strange red symbols, on the table, and set a bowl of some unknown liquid in the center. Then, waving the horsetail whisk, he chanted peculiar syllables, circling the room with odd steps—he certainly looked the part.

Suddenly, he glared and shouted, “By the command of the Three Pure Ones, I order the spirit to appear! Come, come, come!”

At the sound of his voice, a chill wind swept through the room, making Fu Yang’s spine tingle.

There was also a faint, sobbing wail, eerie enough to raise goosebumps.

He’s really summoning the ghost!

Fu Yang was both tense and terrified, but also a little excited. After all, this was the first time he’d ever witnessed a Taoist exorcism.

For some reason, the image of the ghost woman’s beautiful face and her innocent, mischievous smile flashed through his mind…

“What’s wrong with me? Am I actually feeling sorry for the ghost?” Fu Yang cursed himself and steeled his resolve.

The sobbing grew louder, echoing through the room. Master Li’s face grew even more grave. “Where do you think you’re going, spirit? Submit to me now!”

He shouted as he darted around the room, whisk flailing.

“Nowhere to run, ghost! Prepare to be destroyed! Ha!” With a sudden shout, he struck at the air with the whisk.

Fu Yang watched in shock as the white tassels of the whisk, though swinging at empty air, began to stain with streaks of red—blood?

Did he really hit the ghost?

Fu Yang was nervous, frightened, and just a little eager. After all, this was his first time seeing an exorcism.

After three or five minutes of commotion, the whisk was completely dyed red with “blood,” and the icy wind in the room had stilled. Master Li finished with a flourish, exhaled deeply, and opened his eyes, looking exhausted.

“I have fulfilled my duty. The vengeful spirit is destroyed. Her soul is gone.”

Fu Yang was overjoyed, bowing and thanking him profusely. “Master Li, your power is incredible. I’ll pay you right away.” After his flattery, he reached for his wallet.

But at that moment, a cold wind rose in the room again, stronger than before, whipping the curtains against the windows. The three talismans on the table suddenly burst into flames, turning to ash; the table split in two with a loud crack, crashing to the floor in pieces.

Fu Yang, halfway through pulling out his money, stared in disbelief. “What… what’s happening now?”

Master Li’s face changed, fear flickering in his eyes as if he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Before he could speak, a clear, silvery laugh rang out, answering Fu Yang’s question.

“Hee hee, ha ha. Young man, you’re pretty bold, aren’t you? Not only did you ignore the orders of your queen, you even tried to hire a priest to get rid of me? Very good. Very good.”

Then, with two sharp slaps, Master Li’s cheeks bloomed with red handprints.

That familiar voice—it could only be the ghost woman, Dong Weike!

She hadn’t been exorcised at all!

“These online priests are completely unreliable!” Fu Yang collapsed onto the bed in terror, his mouth gaping like a fish.

And Master Li, who had just been acting so aloof and superior, now stood pale as a ghost, shaking uncontrollably.