3 I Hate Children

Shen Zhi had never been good with alcohol, so even during social occasions, he drank as little as possible. Yet, no matter how little he drank, he still got drunk easily. At this moment, he felt his consciousness heavy, and his speech somewhat slurred.

“No spark,” he said.

“Oh, brother, then tell me, what kind of person sparks your interest? Tall or short? Fat or thin? Sexy or cute?” Sheng Jun complained bitterly.

Shen Zhi closed his eyes and thought for a moment.

He recalled the blind date from the previous night: the daughter of his aunt’s classmate, who had just returned from abroad and hadn’t started working yet. She was expected to join her family’s company later. She was exactly as his aunt had described—a classic beauty.

Her qualities were excellent, her personality good, and her conversation pleasant. Yet, throughout the meal, Shen Zhi felt something was missing.

He felt like he was at work. Whether dining with her or handling business in his office, his mood remained a flat line, utterly unmoved.

In the end, the woman ended the meal first.

But she didn’t rush to leave. She rested her chin on her hand and scrutinized Shen Zhi carefully.

“May I ask you a bold question?” she said.

“Go ahead,” Shen Zhi replied.

“Do you really like women?” Seeing the obvious surprise on Shen Zhi’s face, she quickly added, “I mean no offense. I have a male friend who doesn’t like women—he likes men. From spending time with him, I can sense something different in how he relates to other men.”

Shen Zhi’s expression softened from surprise. “And?”

“I feel the same from you,” she said, staring intently at him, trying to detect a crack in his expression. “I think you also like men.”

Shen Zhi was silent for a moment before replying, “Then you’re mistaken. I don’t like men.”

She smiled. “But you don’t like women either?”

Shen Zhi said nothing.

He wasn’t sure himself. He had never been in a relationship or had feelings for any woman. Sheng Jun had experienced countless youthful stirrings and first crushes, but none of that ever touched Shen Zhi.

“I’ve heard you’ve been on many blind dates. Many are interested in you, but your standards are high,” the woman said. “Actually, I think you could try a different approach—meet some men. Maybe you’ll find someone you like.”

She wasn’t teasing; she spoke sincerely.

After she left, Shen Zhi sat alone in the restaurant, quietly finishing a glass of red wine. His driver waited in the car, but he didn’t get in. Instead, he walked along the road.

That’s when he met that person.

Clearly drunk, the man leaned against a streetlight, turning his head and staring at Shen Zhi with a somewhat silly look.

Recalling the woman’s words, Shen Zhi stopped. Under the influence of the wine, he impulsively beckoned to the man with a finger.

The man looked around, then pointed to himself with a questioning mouth: “Me?”

Shen Zhi neither nodded nor shook his head, nor did he speak—he just stared blankly.

Soon, the man stumbled toward him.

Shen Zhi didn’t want to recall the events of last night. Instead, he began to ponder why he had chosen blind dates, when he had managed on his own for so many years.

Oh…

He remembered.

One summer, after his thirty-second birthday, he sat alone on the sofa in his home’s large, somewhat empty villa. There was no one else but him—no echo even to his own muttering.

He didn’t know how long he had been sitting there before a sudden chill overwhelmed him, and waves of loneliness and desolation flooded over him.

He realized that apart from money, status, and fame, he seemed to have nothing: no parents, no friends, no wife or children.

That was when Sheng Jun’s words sank in, and the thought of marriage arose—a desire for a family.

But it was too difficult.

To accept a stranger into one’s life so quickly was hard to adapt to; his body and mind resisted.

“Brother?”

Sheng Jun’s voice pulled Shen Zhi back.

He struggled to sit up in bed, rubbing his temples until his mind cleared a bit. “Do me a favor and tell Auntie to stop setting me up for now.”

“Ah?” Sheng Jun was stunned, a bit delighted. “Brother, do you think that one from last night is the one?”

Shen Zhi didn’t elaborate. “I just don’t want to go on blind dates for now.”

Sheng Jun was silent for a few seconds before bursting out in a wail: “No! Brother, you were so keen on dating before. You wanted to get married! Why are you suddenly saying such gloomy things? I was already preparing for your wedding by the end of the year!”

“Not really, I…”

“Brother, please help me. Just do it for me—I can’t stand Mom nagging anymore. She’s driving me crazy!”

“I…”

“Tell me what type you like, and I’ll find someone for you. Don’t give up!”

“…”

Shen Zhi had had enough and hung up.

Finally, peace.

Sheng Jun called several more times, but Shen Zhi hung up each time. Sheng Jun learned his lesson and sent a few pitiful messages on WeChat instead.

Shen Zhi ignored them and called Assistant Ma.

“Have you found a hospital?”

Assistant Ma was the newest and least experienced in the general office. He hadn’t been assigned to the opening event today. Having just finished showering and preparing for bed, the call energized him.

“It’s booked— a private hospital. You can go anytime.”

“Send me the address,” Shen Zhi said concisely.

“Okay, Mr. Shen, I’ll send it via WeChat. Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, I’ll go alone.”

After hanging up, Shen Zhi didn’t even call his driver; he took a taxi to the hospital Assistant Ma had arranged.

On the way, he reviewed the past months’ events and realized how crazy he had been to listen to Sheng Jun and go on blind date after blind date. Last night was the height of madness—his mind completely fogged, leading to that reckless act.

He leaned back in the seat, hand on his forehead.

He deeply regretted it.

But it had happened…

Oh well.

As long as he wasn’t ill, he could pretend nothing had occurred.

* * *

He Si had been lying at home for two days, until Sunday evening, when he had to get up and tidy the house.

He wasn’t particularly diligent. Usually, after long workdays, he didn’t even want to cook—just ordered takeout and immediately wanted to sleep. Without a fixed weekly cleaning time, his place would turn into a pigsty in less than two weeks.

By October, night fell earlier.

He threw on a sweatshirt and jeans and carried a garbage bag out to buy groceries.

Ordering takeout all the time wasn’t sustainable. Even if cheap, ten or twenty yuan per meal added up, and his intern salary wouldn’t cover it.

When free, he had to cook for himself.

Stepping outside, he ran into the old lady next door, who also carried a garbage bag. He greeted her, and she said she was going downstairs to throw out trash, so he took the bag from her.

The old lady had trouble moving her legs; going up and down stairs was difficult for her. She didn’t refuse, saying, “You live alone, eating must be lonely. Come over more often. It’s just me and your grandfather here. If you come, it’s just an extra bowl and chopsticks.”

Holding two bags with one hand, He Si nodded quickly like a little chicken pecking. “Okay, okay, I’ll definitely come if I have time.”

The old lady glared at him. “You say that every time but never come.”

He Si didn’t argue, just smiled.

“Oh, by the way,” she shifted the subject, “have you thought about what I told you last time? My distant niece…”

He Si grabbed the garbage bag and ran off. “Granny, I have to buy groceries. I’m off!”

Before she could finish, he was gone down the hallway.

The old lady sighed helplessly. “This kid…”

At that time, the streets were busy, and He Si greeted many neighbors on his way to the small vegetable market outside the north gate of Peking University. Halfway through shopping, his phone suddenly rang.

He put the lettuce he’d chosen into a plastic bag and casually wiped his wet hands on his pants.

Seeing the caller ID, it was Zhao Jiao again.

That night, besides the squad leader and others, Zhao Jiao had called multiple times—four or five calls in total.

He Si guessed he hadn’t answered because he was busy with… physical exertion in a hotel room. Even if he had time, he wouldn’t have wanted to pick up.

Now was even less reason to answer.

He tossed the plastic bag onto the vendor’s scale and reached for some tomatoes. The phone rang again.

This time, it was the squad leader calling.

He Si was used to being smooth and rarely burning bridges, just as he hadn’t blocked Zhao Jiao’s number entirely. Though he suspected the squad leader’s intentions weren’t pure, he hesitated briefly and answered.

“Squad leader?”

Silence on the other end.

He Si immediately sensed trouble, checked the contact name, and just as he put the phone back to his ear, a voice as thin as a mosquito’s whispered, “He Si…”

He Si froze, furrowed his brows, and stopped picking up tomatoes.

He stood motionless like a wooden stake, expression unchanged, but the atmosphere around him visibly darkened, startling the vendor, who quickly tore a plastic bag open and handed it to him.

He Si realized and softly said thanks, putting the tomatoes into the bag.

From the other side, the squad leader cautiously spoke, “He Si, are you outside?”

“Buying groceries.”

“Oh, good, nothing urgent then.”

The squad leader seemed to have speakerphone on; Zhao Jiao didn’t speak. The squad leader chatted aimlessly before awkwardly getting to the point.

“I visited Zhao Jiao again today. She just gave birth, and her family isn’t here to help. Only we old classmates can visit.”

He Si hummed, passing the bag of tomatoes to the vendor for weighing.

“But I was the only one today. Others were busy. Lin Zhaodong was supposed to come but left halfway due to something…”

The squad leader trailed off in silence as He Si remained quiet.

Finally, Zhao Jiao spoke up.

“He Si, have you been busy lately? I called so many times, but you never answered. I thought you’d come to see me and the baby.”

He Si silently scanned to pay on his phone, too lazy to buy meat. Grabbing several bags, he strode out of the market. When the crowd thinned, he stopped.

“See? Why would I see? Am I the father?” Thinking of only the squad leader and Zhao Jiao on the other end, he was blunt, “Zhao Jiao, whether you’ve forgotten or pretend to forget, this is my last warning. That night, I helped you chase those men away. Nothing happened between you and them, nor between you and me. I don’t know where your child came from, but it’s not mine and has nothing to do with me. I have no obligation to see him. Because you just gave birth, you’re trying to sully me—I’m holding it in for now, but we’ll settle this later.”

Zhao Jiao was silent.

Soon she began to sob softly, “I’ve explained, but no one listens…”

The squad leader, hearing such harsh words from He Si for the first time, said, “He Si…”

He Si interrupted, “Squad leader. If you don’t believe me, I’m willing to do a paternity test with the child.”

The squad leader choked and quickly reassured, “I definitely believe you. Hey, it’s not that serious. The child’s only a few days old, smaller than my arm. Why do a test…”

“Then don’t muddle things,” He Si frowned and said solemnly, “I hate kids and don’t want to be anyone’s father.”

With that, he hung up.