Chapter Sixty-Three: Stirring Up Trouble

“Xiao Wu, I haven’t done anything—just sitting here and resting. Don’t frighten them, let them in,” Lu Hu called out in tiger tongue. He then helped Quan Zhenzhu, who was still lost in the haze of tenderness in his arms, to sit up, and planted a gentle kiss on her delicate lips.

Then he raised his voice: “Zhu Xiaoying, the tiger won’t harm you. All of you, come in.”

Only then did Quan Zhenzhu reluctantly lift herself from his embrace and sit upright.

Zhu Xiaoying half-dragged Ma Lihong inside. “Greetings, Divine Lord. Please instruct us—where shall we dine tonight?”

“Right here. Go inform Lord Quan and have him come with the Empress. Also, tell him to find a skilled chef to take Thirteen Spices’ place, and gather a few more cooks to help. Tonight all officers of centurion rank and above will dine here.”

“Yes, Divine Lord.” Zhu Xiaoying released Ma Lihong and dashed out.

Ma Lihong’s hands trembled as she struggled to light the lamps, moving as stealthily as a thief to ignite each of the mutton fat oil lamps in the tent. Her cautious, tiptoeing demeanor made Lu Hu both amused and exasperated.

“There’s no need to be afraid. I’ve already told Lingding Xiaowu—it won’t bother you,” he reassured her.

The Divine Lord’s words were as good as an imperial edict—no, even more effective. Ma Lihong’s courage swelled at once.

“Divine Lord, with so many people eating, we’ll need a big table!” Her mind was quick.

“Yes. Go order General Kexi to bring the soldiers to set things up.”

“By your command,” Ma Lihong replied, turning to leave.

“Wait. From now on, keep your replies simple—just answer ‘yes.’ Tell Zhu Xiaoying and the others to do the same,” Lu Hu added, half-serious. He still preferred some habits from his previous life.

In that past life, his English teacher had drilled him relentlessly—he’d had to keep English on his tongue at all times, his accent curling daily. Without tossing out a few English words, he’d have felt embarrassed to show his face.

“What does ‘yes’ mean? Divine Lord’s word is sacred and beyond question. If he says ‘yes,’ then yes it is. With Divine Lord behind us, what’s there to fear?” Ma Lihong muttered, not understanding English, simply guessing from the sound as she left the tent.

“General Yakeshi, the Divine Lord wants you to set up the tables in the main tent. All officers of centurion rank and above will dine there tonight,” she announced the moment she stepped outside, her demeanor shifting to that of a deputy boss, loud and commanding.

“Understood,” Yakeshi replied, arranging for guards to deliver live poultry to the eagle tent.

“From now on, you’re not to answer with ‘understood,’ ‘by your order,’ or anything like that. All of you stand at attention and listen carefully—the Divine Lord has new instructions,” Ma Lihong declared, fully assuming her role as messenger of the divine.

When the guards obediently stood still and focused, Ma Lihong adopted an air of authority, cleared her throat, and slowly intoned, “Listen well—all of you. From now on, when you receive the Divine Lord’s orders, don’t answer with anything else. Just say ‘yes.’”

She swept them with a stern gaze. “Do you all understand?”

“Yes,” the crowd answered in unison.

Pleased, Ma Lihong nodded, hands behind her back as she strode steadily back to the main tent.

Her foot had barely crossed the threshold when her demeanor shifted to that of a coy young woman. In a sweet, affected voice, she addressed Lu Hu, “Divine Lord, your supreme command has been delivered.”

Lu Hu did not expose her act. As long as those close to the god didn’t go overboard with their airs, he saw no reason to object. After all, the divine’s prestige needed no embellishment; but if one wanted to put on a show, so be it.

He nodded without betraying his thoughts. “Very good. Off you go.”

“Yes!” Ma Lihong beamed, delighted, already picturing herself showing off before the new cooks.

She had barely taken two steps when she rushed back, shrieking as if she’d made a great discovery, “Divine Lord, Divine Lady, my father—my Tiger Father is here for you!”

Quan Zhenzhu stood and hurried to the back of the tent. Little White toddled over, legs wobbling, yowling plaintively.

Quan Zhenzhu scooped up Little White, cradling him in her arms as he lifted his little head, voicing his grievances about having been left behind.

Ma Lihong, forcing a smile for Lingding Xiaowu, edged sideways anxiously toward the back entrance, slipped out, and finally exhaled in relief. “You wretched tigress, if it weren’t for the Divine Lord’s sake, I’d have kicked you to death.”

She ran to the cook tent, straightened her clothes and her hair, checked her appearance, then coughed loudly before lifting the curtain and entering.

Inside, the place was abuzz. Zhu Xiaoying stood, one hand on her hip, the other gesturing as she directed the new cooks, who spun around in confusion.

Madam Chicken Essence, usually the head chef, had been long used to taking orders from Thirteen Spices and was only good at working nimbly on her own. Now, with help arriving, she was at a loss, her plump, round face creased in a nervous smile as she stammered, unable to delegate tasks, making the chaos worse.

After Zhu Xiaoying arrived, she decided that though she’d never slaughtered a pig, she’d at least seen pigs run, so she might as well act like a big leader...

Ma Lihong strode in, but the cooks only glanced up before returning to their work.

Ma Lihong felt a pang of disappointment. Are you all dim-witted? Only acknowledge that Zhu woman? Fine, I’ll show you what I’m made of.

She raised her voice sharply, “Stop, stop, everyone stop for a moment. I’m here to relay the Divine Lord’s command.”

At the sound of her authority, the cooks immediately stopped what they were doing and looked at her with utmost respect.

Zhu Xiaoying, no longer daring to pose as a leader, lowered her hands and listened quietly for the divine command.

“The Divine Lord’s newest directive: from now on, when answering him, you are not to say anything else—just say ‘yes.’ Do you understand?” Ma Lihong, emboldened by borrowed authority, played the part of the grand fox.

“Yes,” Zhu Xiaoying and the others replied in unison.

“Very well, get back to work. Hurry up, the Divine Lord will hold a banquet in the main tent soon.” Ma Lihong waved her hand, assuming the air of a leader herself.

Who’s she fooling? Who doesn’t already know about the Divine Lord’s banquet in the main tent? It’s like dropping your pants to fart—completely unnecessary.

Seeing her power slipping away, Zhu Xiaoying hastily put her hand on her hip and pointed with the other, resuming her big leader act.

Ma Lihong refused to be outdone, placing her right hand on her hip and pointing with her left, matching the same authoritative stance.

To the cooks, Ma Lihong and Zhu Xiaoying were nothing short of two powerful empresses. For them to lower themselves and dispense orders without even dropping the curtain—that was truly touching! How could one not obey the words of either empress?

But the two empresses clashed—when Ma Lihong said east, Zhu Xiaoying insisted west; when Ma Lihong ordered lamb, Zhu Xiaoying demanded wild pheasant. The cooks were left completely bewildered, darting around like headless flies.

Suddenly, the curtain was flung aside and Yakeshi stormed in, face thunderous with anger.